Wed Day

My baby sister is newly engaged - ack, so exciting! They're high school sweethearts and have been together for nearly nine years, so even though her fiance has felt like a brother for a while now, we're thrilled to make it official.

Our family is acquiring new members left  and right these days.

The engagement is still really new, just about a week in, but as MoH I've already started helping my sister with some of the initial planning. Which got me thinking - where do you even start? Planning a wedding is fun, but serious business, and can be totally over whelming. So, as a wedding planning veteran, here's my advice for getting off to a smooth start.

1. First, get a manicure - everyone and their mom (literally) will be admiring your new ring and getting pretty up close and personal with your digits. 
2. Now, determine your budget, and the decide if you'll be using a wedding planner or not. 
3. If you'll be using a wedding planner, the next step would be to research planners in your area and set up a few interviews. Once you select a planner, they'll guide you though the process from there. 
4. If you're not using a planner, the next step is to get a ballpark on the head count for your guest list. It doesn't have to be exact, but you need to figure out if you're planning a small, medium, or big fat wedding, so you'll have an idea of the kind of venues to look at.
5. Then, start looking for a venue! The venue you lock down (and when) determines your date, the approximate size of your event, and the tone/formality of the occasion. A beach wedding will have a vastly different feel than one held at a country club. You'll also know if the venue handles rentals and catering or if you need to source those vendors yourself. 
6. Now you can start on the fun details. Dress shopping! Color choosing! Cake tasting!  
7. Another optional, but I think worth it, early step is to do an engagement shoot. It's not totally necessary, but if you can it's a great way to get to know your photographer and build up a rapport before the wedding. It also gives you and your partner a chance to "practice" taking posed photos together before the big day. Plus, after the fact, it's really special to have those photos. 

There you have it, my wedding planning starting places - anything I missed?

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Wed Day

The one word that should never follow "I love you."

I think most of us do this from time to time, the "I love you, but." I love you, but I need you to pick up your socks, I love you, but sometimes you make me crazy, I love you, but ...

It's just a little word. What's the harm? I recently read a post about just this. You think the "I love you" part softens the blow of whatever you need to say - because it's true. Yet, the "but" only serves to negate the "I love you." It makes your love sound conditional. More like an "I'd love you if." It's amazing the power of one little word, huh?

The author started saying "I love you, and ..." instead, and that has worked really well for her and her partner. I might simply use a different preface all together, maybe a "honey, please." Honey, please pick up your socks, honey, please, sometimes you make me crazy, honey, please ... It could work.

Do any of you do this sort of think? It's amazing the difference little tweaks can make in your communication overall.

Image of Joanna McCormick and Colin Fox photographed by Jerry Schatzberg in New York, 1958.
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Wed Day

Aren't these photos of expectant families touching? These haunting images were taken by Russian photographer, Jana Romanova, in the wee hours of the morning before her subjects woke. Originally, she began the series "Waiting" by photographing her pregnant friends, but soon expanded to taking the portraits of strangers as well - 40 in total, one for every week of pregnancy.

I love how raw and unguarded these images are.

Romanova's work, represented by Anzenberger Agency, is now on view at Encontros da Imagem in Braga, Portugal. An exhibition of the photos in "Waiting" is on view at Monsteiro de Tibaes - you know, if you find yourself in the neighborhood.

Are you a mommy, or expecting? How did you sleep while you were pregnant? I've been using this huge pregnancy pillow, amazing for my back and overall comfort, not so much for snuggling though.

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Wed Day

Impending motherhood has me thinking not only about being a mommy, but also about being a wife, and the changing roles within my marriage. I of course cannot wait to meet our baby girl, and am so looking forward to motherhood, but I also want to make sure I'm careful not to completely loose myself in that role. I also want to prioritize my relationship with my husband, and keep in touch with my femininity. Easy peasy, right?

So naturally I've also been thinking about desire in a long term relationship - as they say, there's a TED Talk for that. In her talk, Esther Perel discusses how good committed sex plays two conflicting human needs against each other - the need for security, but also for surprise. She tackles the topic with charm and intelligence - totally worth the 20 minutes. Watch here.

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Wed Day

Oh. Wow. How beautiful are these veils by Stone Fox Bride? I love a floral wreath on a bride, combine that with a veil - magic. Beautiful, stylish magic.

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Wed Day

Get this, H&M is about to begin selling ... wedding dresses! Their first will debut for just $99. Yeah. $99. Not a bad way to shave a few grand off your wedding budget.

So, what do you think? Would you buy an H&M wedding dress?

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Wed Day

Would you take a college course on marriage? If you go to Northwestern University you can do just that. Their Marriage 101 course aims to give students more meaningful relationships throughout their lives. Students meet for lecture once a week and then have smaller break out sessions to discuss that week's topic. Books like Mating in Captivity are read and dissected along with more typical academic studies. Despite appearances, it's not a fluff course, and students eagerly clamor for their place in the class.  

Pop culture depicts romantic love as a matter of luck, you meet the right person, then everything effortlessly falls into place. Learning how to love well is anything but intuitive. Among the lessons students learn in this class are:

• Self-understanding is the first step to having a good relationship
• You can’t avoid marital conflict, but you can learn how to handle it better
• A good marriage takes skill 
• You and your partner need a similar worldview

The take away? Love is hard work, but so worth it. 

Read more about the course here. 

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Wed Day

Have you all seen the movie Her? I loved it. It's such an interesting commentary on modern relationships. People gravitating toward situations full of emotional intimacy without the physical aspects. A backlash of sorts to the casual hook-up perhaps?

That's the topic of this NYT article "Romance at Arms' Length," exploring "the rise of online-only relationships, a phenomenon I’ve begun to call Soul Mate in a Box.

A Soul Mate in a Box (Smiab, for short) is a person we rarely if ever meet and in some cases never speak to, but to whom we feel closer than anyone else. Maybe the relationship exists through instant messages, or over email, or via Skype, FaceTime and texting. Perhaps Snapchat allows the couple to exchange racy pictures, adding a glimpse of sexuality, if not sex. One couple liked to view each other on Skype but weren’t comfortable talking that way, so they’d instant message instead, watching each other click away at the keyboard as they swooned.

How do these relationships start? Typically with two strangers crossing paths via social media... No need to think seriously about it, because what could happen? He or she lives 2,000 miles away!

Ironically, it’s often this presumed lack of possibility that enables the couple to grow so close so fast...

We’re always searching for new ways of finding love that don’t involve having to feel insecure and vulnerable, because who wants to feel insecure and vulnerable?"

So fascinating right? What do you think? Would you explore a relationship like this or do you know anyone who has?  

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Wed Day

When you were little did you have a list of all the qualities you imagined for your perfect someone? I definitely did. Some of the attributes I listed were pretty solid, funny? Yeah, that sounds good. Others were less realistic, drives me to work on his pony everyday. Drives? Silly little Lauren, you don't drive a pony.

My list never never made it past my purple unicorn diary, but this list written by a few wise-beyond-their-years little girls went viral. They make a few solid points in their list of boyfriend rules. A few of my favorites: not living with parents, clean, last name not weird, very fun, and brushes teeth. All excellent points Brooke and Blair. Excellent points.

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Wed Day

It's never a bad time to try and cultivate more love and intimacy in your relationship - Valentine's Day seems like an especially appropriate time.

The idea of "cultivating intimacy" sounds like a daunting task, right? Well it doesn't have to be. You can start with a few simple habits. Maybe you even do these things already.

1. Express gratitude toward your partner. Maybe they didn't do their dishes, but they did fold the laundry, so that's something right? 
2. Focus on what's working, don't look for problems. Why hold a magnifying glass up to every issue when you could magnify everything you love about your partner instead? 
3. Notice your urge to nag and control. Nagging is about control, but it's also a habit you can break. Give your partner a little more credit. (Easier said than done, right?)

If you want to go further in depth, read more here.

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Wed Day

I love a non traditional engagement ring. It's a piece of jewelry you'll wear everyday (everyday!) so you'd better love it. Who cares if it's not a princess cut diamond solitaire? (Not that those are simply lovely, it just might not be your particular cup 'o tea.) Need some quirky inspiration? Check out these hot little numbers ...

Beautiful, no? See more not traditional options at Refinery29. 

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Wed Day

Do you have the winter relationship blues? According to this study, you're not alone. Apparently, January is the most popular month to break-up. They found that over 1/5 of all break-ups take place in January on average (December falls closely behind). 

A majority of participants (62%) felt that the time of year was one of the factors in the break-up, left over holiday stress (like stale fruit cake), financial stress, and the grey weather were all listed as contributors to January splits. When I told the hubs about the study he smirked and said "because of New Years Resolutions?" He was kidding, but some folks actually reported that wanting a fresh start was the reason they broke it off. So in a way, yeah, New Year's Resolutions. Or maybe they just met each other's crazy families for the first time and decided to cut and run. Who knows... 

Whatever the reason, it looks as though if you and your love get thought January together, the rest of the year will be smooth sailing. ;-) The hubs and I will have 9 Januaries under our belts this year - crazy families and New Year's Resolutions be damned. 

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Wed Day

So there's been a lot of buzz around Leaning In over the past year or so, but what about leaning ON?

I recently read this article which made me think about the ways in which leaning on someone is a strength and not a crutch. We are fortunate to live in a day and age (not to mention country) where as women we are not automatically expected to give up our careers and ambitions the day we get engaged. In a lot of ways I think my relationship strengthens my ambitions. Having a partner, a cheerleader in my corner, is invaluable motivation to do well - not just for myself but for my family. The hubs and I graduated college together, so we've been each other's support system though-out this whole twenty-something-welcome-to-the-real-world journey. I even supported him while he was completing his post-grad advertising program and I was taking on my first few "real" jobs.

I know I have some difficult choices coming up in the not so distant future in respect to the whole "mommy/career juggle." How all that will work out is TBD. Regardless, I can't help but reject the notion that relying on someone else and choosing to be a wife and mother (even if that means slowing down for a moment) is a weakness.

How about you dolls, what are your thoughts?

To be clear, this isn't a dig at you single ladies out there. I think both roads take courage and strength - but I can only speak to my own experience as a young wife and expectant mom.  

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Wed Day

The first dance - probably one of the special-er moments of a wedding. Picking just the riiight song can be a mission though. After watching a ton of music videos and listening to a ton and a half of songs, and discussing merits of said songs, the hubs and I chose this Adele cover of Bob Dylan's "Make You Feel My Love." Oh man, it still makes me cry. I think that's why we chose this song actually, we both thought it was so beautiful, and I couldn't stop crying, so ... winner!

This NYT article is comprised of several couple's first dance songs and the stories behind them. I love this kind of crap. Tell me, what was your first dance song? Or what song would you like to have? Serious, I'd love to hear. xo!

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Wed Day

Have y'all read this article on the Huffington Post? While I don't agree that we should ban weddings and baby showers, I do think the author makes some valid points. Nothing in my life has been celebrated as much as my wedding, except maybe my pregnancy. I haven't started the rounds of baby showers yet, so we'll have to see. There is something about being princess for a day that can blind you to the long term realty of growing old with someone looong after the party's over.

Plus there are the social implications - weddings and babies are the biggest accomplishments in a women's life - I mean, these are the events we celebrate. There was no party when I got my SAT scores, or a 4.0, or when I got into college, or I got my first appartment, or traveled abroad for the first time, or got my first "real" job, or when I got that 2nd much better job, and I doubt there will be a party when I finally pay off my student loans. So what are we teaching young girls? I'm all for being a wife and mother - I think both of these things can bring great fulfillment - but I would hate to think that there's a young girl out there that feels these are the only accomplishments worth celebrating.

So let's do this. Let's keep the weddings, and all the showers, but let's start celebrating all the other milestones too. Let's let young girls know that being a wife and mother is a valid choice, but there are other valid choices, other ways to contribute and find fulfillment. Let's celebrate our girls in all the ways they go out into the world. Deal?

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Wed Day

About this time last year, I had traditions on my mind. Same story this time around, except magnified by the fact that we're expecting. We're still actively (and happily) participating in our family's traditions, and this year that make sense for us. Plus we want to. But this time next year we'll have a little one. So...

I'm not really sure yet. But I guess that's alright. Maybe that's how traditions work, they evolve slowly. We let what works stick and then new ones are added to the tapestry. I'm excited to see what evolves, to see what colors are woven in.

What new traditions have you added to your holiday?

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WED Day

I recently read this lovely essay on marriage, you probably have too - it's been all around the interwebs and back again - still, I thought it worth sharing. The essay is about a recently married man who realizes that marriage is not for him (you should read it, maybe now because I'm going to spoil it for you if you keep reading).

He realizes that marriage isn't for him because marriage is for the person he married, for family, it's for a million unselfish reasons. Marriage is for the person you married. I think this is such a beautiful and important thing to remember.

Marriage is the selfless giving of yourself to another. Lovely, yes?

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Wed Day

So, I have some news ... we're having a baby! 

Oh man, it feels so good to finally share this. I really don't like having a secret, especially one as exciting as this - but you're supposed to wait through your first trimester before shouting it from the roof tops, so that's what we did. It's hard to keep something like this in, especially when it's all so new, a little scary, and the only thing you can think about. 

It goes without saying that we are over the moon excited. And a little surprised - we weren't exactly "trying." But the universe doesn't give you more than you can handle, and the timing is actually pretty perfect. I feel really lucky that this little life chose us.  

I hope this explains why posts around here may have been a little lighter, and why I haven't been as active a commenter on all the other lovely blogs out there. I've been wiped lately - this growing a human business is tiring work! 

Tickle My Fancy isn't going to transform into a full on mommy blog, but I hope you'll indulge me a little as I share pieces of my pregnancy journey here and there. The best truly is yet to come. 

xoxo

Image via yours truly. 

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Wed Day

Kissing!

I'm a big fan, I'm totally on board with kissing. I kiss the hubs as much as possible. It's not a good morning or a good night (or a welcome home, or a have a nice day, or a great job killing those zombies in that video game) without a kiss. But why are we so compelled to kiss? This article can shed some light: 

Recent research conducted by Rafael Wlodarski, a DPhil student in the Department of Experimental Psychology at Oxford University, and Professor Robin Dunbar sought to find clues to the evolutionary rationale for kissing. Does it allow us to assess the genetic mojo of potential mates? Is it just a stimulating routine that preludes sex, or does it function to keep mates together longer?

Wlodarksi and Dunbar surveyed over 900 adults online about their kissing habits and its importance in their relationships. They found that women rated kissing as generally more important than men. Additionally, men and women who thought of themselves as attractive, or had more short-term relationships and casual sex, also thought kissing was more important.

On top of that, people in long-term relationships rated kissing as more important, and kissing frequency also correlated to relationship satisfaction. Good lovin', it turns out, does keep a home together.
The researchers are publishing their findings in two papers in two journals, Archives of Sexual Behavior and Human Nature. In the latter paper, Wlodarksi and Dunbar report that menstrual cycles also play a role in making out, as women tended to rate kissing as more important during the late-follicular phase, when they were more likely to conceive.

We mammals (humans particularly) spend a long time pregnant and then breast feeding, which makes us especially picky about choosing a mate. So kissing maybe a way to help us better select the lucky one, and then used as a tool to ensure they'll be around after the deed is done. Fascinating, yes? 
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Wed Day

So true, especially when love is concerned.

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