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In an episode of "Oprah's Lifeclass," relationship expert Iyanla Vanzant explains that guilt "doesn't serve anything but the ego." Interesting, go on. In the clip, Iyanla lays out three basic reasons why people feel guilty, and offers a simple remedy to help move past this "wasted" emotion: "Acknowledge [what you've done]. Ask for forgiveness of yourself first and then of others if you can. Then, if you can do something to make amends, that will release you from the karmic tie to that action." Huh. This makes sense to me (I can hear my dad's voice in my head - I've been telling you that for years - sorry dad).
It's interesting to ask - whom does guilt really serve? Not the person that you feel you may have hurt, it just eats you up. It could even be classified as selfish since it's completely self serving (as if we needed another reason to feel guilty). The notion of action as a remedy above really speaks to me. I may have just made my first New Year's resolution. I'm going to spend less time wallowing in an emotion (namely guilt), and instead focus on positive action and then on moving on. Sounds easy enough, right...? We'll see, at least I feel good about trying. :-)
How about you, did you find this resonated as well?
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Agree, guilt does not do anything good for anyone, only bad for the carrier.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with your resolution! :-)
Thanks so much Lera!
DeleteI LOVE that you wrote about this! I love reading posts about REAL things that aren't talked about very often (but should be). This is something that I have totally struggled with- some times worse than others. It's so true that it really is a self-thing and not about anyone else. Thank you for talking about this! :)
ReplyDeleteAli, thanks so much for this comment - as I'm sure you know, it can be a bit nerve wracking putting yourself out there a bit, but it's rewarding to know that you're not alone. :-)
DeleteGreat post, Lauren! I struggle with guilt too. It's an interesting point to consider guilt as self-serving. I had never thought of it that way before. I always thought the guiltier I felt the more I was making amends, which now seems counter-productive after reading the above. From this point forward, I will heed Vanzant's advice and move forward; That sounds like a wonderful resolution.
ReplyDeleteThanks Theresa! I had always felt that somehow guilt was related to making amends as well, so this new perspective has been really liberating. I hope it is for you as well.
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